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Music, Mayhem, Make-out


„Well then, Nicholas, tell me…“

There was something about the way my full name rolled off his lips that made my head swirl. Or maybe that was because he lifted my hand and brushed his fingertips over my knuckles so very gently. Or it could always be caused by the alcohol I should have never said yes to.

“… what exactly have you sworn, when you started to wear this ring?”

I’m lucky I answered this question so many times before; the answer is engraved in my sub cranium. Had I actually needed to think about this, there is no way I could have come up with an answer. Even less with one that made sense.

“Well, basically, it’s a promise to stay pure until marriage. But, really, to us it’s first and foremost a reminder to uphold basic human virtues and morals.”

For the first time I can remember, I blushed explaining this. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why I felt so foolish, but I could feel my cheeks burn under his attentive gaze anyway.

“So, you’re not gonna be pure when you marry?” he teased.

“Yes, I will!” I immediately protested and the alcohol took a sudden tour through my head, making my vision swim slightly. That was the alcohol, right? After all, it was also the reason for me leaning heavily against the wall next to me. It was downright unfair how casual it looked on the guy opposite me even though he had had far more to drink than me.

“Of course you will”, he soothed me. “Look at you, you’re purity on legs.”

Somehow, his smile and eyes told a different story than his words. And it wasn’t one of purity. Maybe that was what made my cheeks burn? I subconsciously checked the room for Kevin and Joe. Where were your older brothers when you needed them for once?

“Who did you make that promise to anyway? Your parents? Your brothers? Your management?” He downed the last of his drink and set it on a passing waiter’s tray. Now having nothing to do with his second hand, he pushed it inside his pocket. It was only then that I noticed that I had grabbed my own belt since I didn’t have any drink to hold onto anymore.

“God”, I answered immediately. I even managed to smile a little. That question had been easy. My conversational partner didn’t seem that pleased with my answer though. He raised one not-quite-delicate eyebrow in a surprisingly elegant (and sexy) gesture and smirked at me.

“Then this ring here… is it like a wedding ring with God?” He still bared his teeth at me – was that still considered smiling or even smirking? – and took his hand out of his pocket to turn the ring around my finger.

“Yeah, kind of”, I grinned back, a little amused by this notion and his antics.

“Then, in order to marry, wouldn’t you have to divorce God first? It would be bigamy otherwise, right? God doesn’t like that. Then again, he isn’t that fond of divorce either, is he?”

By now his smirk had passed teasing and was bordering on downright evil. The alcohol in my system made my nerves buzz and the neurons that should have enabled me to come up with a witty reply got lost from one synapse to another and all I managed was confusion.

“Well, I…”

I flushed a little more and felt my heart beat quicken when he stepped a little closer. Damnit, this guy was a giant! His leaning down to whisper to me only resulted in his warm breath washing over me and turning my knees into goo.

“And if I kissed you now would that taint your purity with homosexual adultery against God?”

His breath should have been disgusting, but it just smelled of the sweet concoction he had been sipping before. I found my gaze transfixed on his plump lips and had to squeeze my eyes shut briefly to chase away the dancing black spots that began to narrow down my field of vision. I refused to black out!

“That… I-I..”

Sweet Jesus, I was so not in any shape to deal with this black-haired, dark-eyed, beautiful devil-angel. This must be what Adam had felt like when Eve handed him the forbidden fruit. Or was I Eve and he was the snake?

Briefly I wondered whether I had stood a chance against this force of nature that went by the name of Bill Kaulitz had I been sober. But when his smirk cooled off to an open and honest smile and he didn’t lean in to actually take the kiss I would have no doubt not protested against, I knew I had stood no chance from the moment he had first spoken to me. He had literally had me at “hello”. Or “hey, there”, to be precise.


“Hey, there. You seem a little lost.”

I looked up at whoever spoke to me and felt my breath involuntarily stop a little. Did that guy eat batteries for breakfast, ‘cause he could have lit the whole room with just that grin. Only then did it hit me. That was that German guy. The “thank you SO much” guy from the award stealing band.

Maybe thinking like that was a little arrogant, but if we lost, we sure as hell hadn’t expected to lose to some European band. I mean, come on, where were the crazy “marry me, Nick/Joe/Kevin!!” fans, when you needed them?

And what the hell did he mean, ‘lost’? Just because we didn’t win any of our awards, didn’t mean we couldn’t attend the after-party. Was that guy really so full of himself? What was his name anyway? I couldn’t for the life of me remember it.

“No, I’m not lost. I’m here with my band, ‘cause we were nominated for a couple of VMAs.”

Talk about hostile… and why did I have this feeling like I needed to justify my being here to that guy anyway?

To my surprise, he just chuckled.

“No, that’s not what I meant. You just looked like you were searching for someone.”

“Oh.” Yeah, that wasn’t the most intelligent thing I said that evening.

“You’re Nick Jonas, right?” he asked and mercifully steered away from the rather uncomfortable feeling my former reply had created in my gut.

“Yeah”, I nodded. Well, this was going to be embarrassing…

“And… sorry, but your name didn’t quite stick…” I smiled sheepishly and just so avoided to reach up and tug nervously at my hair.

“It’s Bill. Kaulitz. But Bill’s enough”, he winked and if I wasn’t gravely mistaken he was a little nervous himself.

“So, who were you looking for?”

“My brothers. I lost them at a random girl, probably. Though Joe’ll try to chat up Taylor, no doubt. Swift, I mean. The singer.”

“Oh, the one who announced you, right? She’s pretty.”

“Get in line”, I grinned and he shook his head a little, laughing.

“I don’t think I’m going to start a long-distance relationship with a US country singer, sorry. That’s just kinda… not my style.”

I looked him over a little at that and had to notice that he wasn’t bad looking. Something about him radiated “come get me” and “nu-uh, don’t touch” in the same way it radiated off Joe when we were on stage.

“Yeah, I figured… then what is your style?”

Was I actually having a conversation with this guy?

“I’m waiting for true love. Just not as inactively as I like to make people believe. A little making out here and there never hurt anyone, right?”

“Already found your victim for tonight, then?”

“Not quite yet, no. I do have my eyes on someone, though…”

“Oh really? Mind telling me who?”

“As a matter of fact, I do. It might ruin my chances.”

I laughed a little at that. Right. Like I was going to get in his way. The girls he picked out were most likely – hopefully – a few years older than me, anyway.

“Were you looking for someone?” I decided to ask and change the topic.

“My brother, actually. He wanted to fetch us a drink. That was about 15 minutes ago. So you could say I was looking for pleasant company. And look who I found”, he teased and tugged at a lock of my hair. I must have looked a little confused at that, seeing as he apologized instantly for it.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I just really like your curls.”

And that coming from a guy. Weird beyond belief. But somehow, I liked his compliment and felt myself smile at it.

“It’s okay.”

He smiled back and somehow neither him nor me could think of something to say. Luckily, just before the silence and the apologetic looks and awkwardness prompted one of us to leave, we were interrupted by the dread-locked hip hop guy I recognized from standing next to Bill on stage.

“Tom, wo warste denn so ewig?”

Wasn’t that a little rude, switching to German in front of me?

“Bin Nicole in die Arme gelaufen. Dahin lauf ich jetzt auch wieder zurück. Du bist ja eh in Gesellschaft, ne? ” He handed Bill a glass of suspicious looking peach coloured liquid and grinned at me shortly. Oh, so they were talking about me? Now that I was sure was rude. Bill followed his eyes and almost stumbled over his next words.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Nick, this is Tom, my brother. Tom, Nick.”

“Hey, there”, Tom grinned. Oh, yeah, definitely brothers. “Thanks for keeping him busy. He’s rather high maintenance.” That earned Tom a swat on the arm from his brother. Which in turn caused Tom to frown at Bill.

“Das nächste Mal kannste dir deinen Drink selber holen.”

“Aw, sei doch nicht so, Tomi.”

“Ja ja, schon klar. Jetzt wieder hier auf lieb machen, ne? Na ja, ich überlass dich mal wieder deinem Nicky und kümmer mich um meine Niccie, die bei der Bar auf mich wartet”, he grinned. And I really didn’t like to be referred to as „Nicky“.

“Ey, nur du, Tom, würdest dir tatsächlich Chancen bei ihr ausrechnen.”

“Tja, was soll ich sagen, ich bin’s eben.” Tom’s grin never seemed to leave its place on his lips. I, however, felt really out of place but didn’t want to just leave without so much as a good-bye or anything. But the two brothers left no opening in their conversation for someone to join in or anything.

“Ja, ja, viel Glück damit”, grinned Bill.

“Und dir hiermit”, his brother answered.

“It was nice meeting you. Have a good evening”, Tom turned to me and reached out his hand to shake mine.

“Same to you”, I smiled and was a little confused. Bill’s voice sounded a little different when he spoke German, I somehow noticed.

“What was that all about?” I couldn’t help but ask, as Bill took a first tentative sip of the drink. He hurried to swallow and answer my question. I found it kind of sweet of him to be so flustered about being polite and everything.

“Oh, just that he ran into Nicole Scherzinger at the bar. We met her at the EMAs last year in Munich and met up with her a couple of times since we’ve been to the US. He’s trying to hit on her – which is of course a little ridiculous.”

“You guys know Nicole Scherzinger? Man, I know a lot of guys that would kill to be in that position.”

“Yourself not inluced?”

“Nah, she’s not really my type. I find her too flashy. It’s a little cheap, don’t you think?”

He laughed a little at that.

“Well, yeah, I guess. But that’s what makes up her appeal to most.”

“I’m not like most people then.”

“Yeah, I kind of noticed.”

He flashed me that billion-volt smile again and for a crazy second there, I wished I had my sunglasses with me. Not that they could have shielded me from the aura he was giving off, but I could have fooled myself to believe that for a little while.

“And… not to pry, but were you talking about me?”

He laughed again and then dulled his smile a little, making it safe to look at him.

“Yeah, Tom just noted that it was fun that he was hitting on Nicole while I was busy talking to you… ‘cause your names are kinda similar.”

“Only you’re not hitting on me”, I pointed out the obvious and felt a little stupid doing it. Obviously he thought so too, as he once again gave a little laugh and then winked at me.

“You sure about that?” he grinned and I laughed a little back at him. He and his band might have stolen the award we were kind of sure we’d get, but he was fun.

“What are you drinking, anyway?” I asked to change the topic and satisfy my curiosity. What was it with that anyway? Normally I didn’t have to keep it in check that much and now all these questions just fell off my lips without me being able to do anything about it.

“Apricot Sour. Want to try?”

“No, I don’t do alcohol.”

“There’s barely any in it. And it’s really tasty.”

“Well, I…”

“You can just have a sip and if you don’t like it, at least now you know”, he grinned and pushed his glass into my hands. I looked at the milky-peachy coloured liquid a little unsure and up at his expression that urged me on.

I really don’t know why I was even considering this in the first place, but before I knew it, I had raised the glass and taken a tentative sip of the alcoholic mix. And what do you know, I actually quite enjoyed the way it teased my taste buds.

“This is good”, I heard myself say and Bill barked his trademark laugh again.

“Keep it then, I’ll go fetch myself another. Be back in a flash”, he grinned and disappeared into the crowd before I could protest. I really didn’t want to drink this. Drinking this meant breaking my vow. And I wasn’t even 16 yet, I was pretty sure that made it illegal for me to drink this in just about any country. It made it illegal in the States for another six years at least.

“You didn’t even notice I was gone, did you?” Bill grinned as he stepped in front of me again, nursing another glass of what appeared also to be Apricot Sour.

“Bill, I really shouldn’t be drinking this. And are you sure you should?”

“I’ve been drinking this for years. Okay, legally only for one. And I know it isn’t legal for me to drink here for another two, but who’s gonna stop me?”

“You’re 19?” I asked after a quick calculation.

“Yeah, since last week. Our drummer turned 20 today, actually. Which makes our bassist the only one who can drink legally in the US”, he grinned and didn’t seem to care about that in the slightest. Then again, I guess he had a point. Who would stop him? Nobody here cared – or knew – that he was technically too young to drink. Me, on the other hand… if anyone saw me with this drink in my hand, Disney would kill us. Not to mention my brothers and parents. And yet, I found myself raising the glass to my mouth. It really did taste good.

“You’re the same age as Joe”, I observed. Seemed to be my day of stating obvious facts.

“Well then that makes me almost your older brother. And I say it’s okay for us to drink these. Cheers.” He clinked his glass against mine and drank the rest of the liquid in one swoop. I didn’t, but noted that my body heat went up a few degrees after the last gulps. This could not end good, could it?

Apparently, it could. Chatting with Bill turned out to be the happiest I had been that evening and that included the performance. Of course, I couldn’t quite be sure whether that was completely due to Bill or whether the alcohol had a little say in that as well. But Bill let me get back to sodas after the one Apricot Sour and I just settled for tasting whatever he fetched for himself (“Because that’s not the same as actually drinking alcohol. And that one little glass doesn’t count.” – Bill). It was pleasant, talking like this. And the stories he had to tell about his band and what had happened to them so far amazed me. I had to re-think calling our fans crazy.

“She didn’t!”

“Yes, I swear! She somehow climbed up to the second floor and just came into our backstage room through the window!”

“How did she do that?”

“I have no idea! I can’t even remember whether there was a tree or anything outside the window, we were all just so shocked.”

“Then what?”

“Security escorted her out.”


“Yeah, more like dragged, but… you know…”

“Oh my God, that is just so beyond crazy. Man, I’m glad no one ever tried that on us. Though one girl stepped in front of our tour bus to stop it, once.” That had been one very scary moment.

“You’re joking.”

“No! She must have really surprised our driver, too. We were in the back, so we didn’t see her or anything, but all of the sudden the bus made this emergency break and everything fell onto the floor and we crashed in a heap onto each other. Joe hit his elbow pretty hard...”

Bill stared at me like he’d seen a ghost and shook his head in amazement.

“That’s just stupid! I mean, she could have seriously gotten hurt!”

“Tell me about it… our poor driver, too, he almost got a heart attack.”

At that, Bill once again grinned and when a waiter passed us by, Bill reached for two glasses of champagne and handed one of them to me.

“Bill, I-” I started to protest. My head felt a little light and I wasn’t sure whether my feet would move the way I wanted them to, if I tried. I had a sinking feeling that I had already had more alcohol than I should have. And the feeling of guilt grew, too.

“Oh, come on, it’s just a little champagne. No one gets drunk from champagne.”

“Well, I guess it doesn’t really matter anymore…” I consented.

“Aw, don’t be mad at me. It doesn’t become you”, he commented and once again tugged at my hair. I just had to smile at his childish antics. He returned my smile and raised his glass, inclining his head in mock-respect.

I found that I liked champagne. And so did Bill, judging from the happy smile on his face. For a moment I wondered whether I was going to drink from now on, but I had a fleeting feeling that this whole evening was one big exception. And I probably owed it all to Bill; he just managed to make it seem like nothing in the world really mattered.

I emptied my glass and put it on an empty table behind me.

“Nick’s short for Nicholas, right?” he asked and I wondered where that question had come from.

“Yeah, it is. My full name’s actually Nicholas Jerry. Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know, I just think there is something about a given name that makes it kinda special, you know?”

“Hm.” I didn’t.

“Would you mind if I called you ‘Nicholas’?”

“No, I don’t think I would”, I grinned. I felt light-headed and that made it so much easier to just smile at every- and anything.

I really didn’t get why he was making such a big deal out of this. I got it a few moments later though when he leaned a little closer and asked me to tell him what exactly it was I had sworn when I started to wear the purity ring.


Which brings me back to the present situation that had me at a total loss of words, the end of my wit and completely at Bill’s mercy.

“I-I… I don’t know what you mean…” I whispered. He was far too good at this play of words thing and he no doubt knew that. And I was beyond being able to handle a situation like this. Bill had manoeuvred far too much alcohol into my system and me into a very tiny corner.

He reached up and stopped any other futile attempt of getting out of this verbally by pushing one slender finger up against my lips. I could feel my breath moisten his skin.

“It’s very simple, Nicholas. Would you mind if I kissed you?” he asked and I flushed a little more. I couldn’t understand how he did it, but somehow he had a thrown a spell over me by using my name. I felt like a warm, barely-there sheet of silk had been thrown over me the first time he had called me by my full name that prevented the outside from mattering anymore.

I shook my head a little.

“Do you want me to kiss you, Nicholas?”

How could I have ever said no to that beautiful creature in front of me? So I just nodded my head. His finger tip left my lips and the next thing I knew, he had tilted my head upwards and pressed his lips onto mine in the sweetest, most chaste kiss I had ever had.

And just like Adam and Eve, once I had tasted the forbidden fruit, I couldn’t get enough.

My free hand reached up and grabbed a hand full of his t-shirt to pull him closer to me. I thought I felt him smile against my lips when he let go of my hand and buried both of his in my hair. My second hand, the one with the ring, clung to his upper arm. Somewhere, far in the back of my mind, I noticed that his arm was a lot less muscled than mine but at the moment I just couldn’t bring myself to care and I held on to him like he was the only thing keeping me upright. He probably was.

He nibbled and bit so expertly at my lips I felt like I wanted to cry and vowed to myself to never ever try alcohol again. Instead of crying, I opted to open my mouth to him and welcome his tongue with my own. An infinitely better idea, I found out seconds after deciding to give up any resistance. I figured it was futile anyway.

I pushed myself off the floor to be able to stand on my toes, so as not to have to crane my neck so much. Also, it made it easier to retaliate to the tongue that did indescribably wonderful things to the inside of my mouth. My knees wobbled under my weight and the intensity of the kiss.

Now he definitely was the only thing holding me up. I figured it was only fair, seeing as it was him who reduced me to this gooey pile of limbs in the first place. But Bill seemed to have a solution for that too, turning us around so he could push me against the wall, taking some of my weight off him.

I gave a little moan when one of his hands left my hair and grabbed onto the belt hoops of my pants, pulling my hips into his. I had to drop back down onto my soles in order not to fall over at that, which made him lean down to me more. I arched my back and felt only my shoulder blades supported by the cool wall. His hand snaked around my hips, pushing flat against the small of my back and me yet a little closer to him. Never would I have guessed that contact this intimate with another boy could feel so nerve-wreckingly good. I blamed that on Bill, too.

“You’re beautiful”, Bill whispered, his lips still so close to mine I could not only feel him trying to catch his breath, but speak. I gladly took the opportunity to do the same and gave a breathy laugh at that. If I was beautiful he had to be effin perfect.

“You’re sweet”, he continued, kissing along my jaw.

“You’re funny”, he reached my ear and bit the lobe gently.

“You’re absolutely adorable.” I could hear his grin in his voice and wondered how, when I had only spent one hour tops talking to him.

“Stop flattering me and kiss me again”, I whispered back and looked up from where I had been staring into nothingness during his sweet little compliments. I hadn’t expected to catch Joe’s eye over the crowd of people separating us. I hadn’t expected him to recognize me, but I guess you recognized your brother even if he was hidden behind a massive amount of hair and a German rock-star. I really hadn’t expected him to just raise his eyebrow at me and then lift his arm, pointing to the watch he carried.

“Oh damn”, I whispered, just as Bill had aligned his lips with mine again.

“What?” he asked back, planting little kisses to my already swollen lips.

“I have to leave. I don’t want to leave”, I informed him, and held on to his neck.

“I don’t want to let you go”, he whispered back and pushed his thigh in between my legs, pointing out my rather noticeable erection that had been lost to me up until now.

“Oh”, I sighed, surprised.

“Now I really don’t want to leave.”

He chuckled a little breathless and latched back onto my mouth, almost raping me with his tongue and rubbing his thigh rather obscenely against my groin. A low moan escaped my throat and I clung to him for dear life. I was burning up under his touch. Suddenly his hands seemed to be everywhere on me. Under my shirt on my bare back, slipping in between the buttons to stroke the little skin on my chest they could reach and rubbing over my stomach.

I relinquished what little control I still had over the situation to him and let myself enjoy the ride. The probability of this ever happening again was frighteningly close to zero and I didn’t want to miss a second of it.

Bill sucked my tongue rhythmically into his mouth as I pushed against him in the most mind-blowing orgasm I could remember, as if he actually wanted to swallow the moans that escaped me. Or maybe he was thinking of something else entirely.

“Oh my God”, I breathed, completely flushed, as he released his strong hold on me and I slumped back against the wall.

“This was… you’re… oh my God…” Coherent thought, it seemed, had not yet returned to me. He just laughed silently and kissed the tip of my nose.

“You really are adorable, Nicholas Jerry Jonas.”

I smiled a lazy smile and watched him raise my hand and plant a kiss on my ring finger and the small silver band there. My smile slipped a little upon seeing the manifestation of my promise.

“Nothing can taint you if you don’t let it”, he told me and somehow that made everything okay. Bill Kaulitz was a magical being, I decided then and there.

“Not even cheating on God with another guy”, he winked and planted a quick peck onto my mouth. Then he stepped back, straightened my shirt a little and gave me a goodbye kind of smile.

“Now go.”

“Bye”, I offered and felt a little lost as to what to do or say.

“See you”, he replied and I had no choice but to turn around and push my way through the crowd in the direction of where I had seen Joe before.

Upon scanning the crowd for my brothers, I caught Tom’s eye and the grin he sent me made me blush maybe even a little more than anything Bill had done to me. It spelled “I know my brother and I know what he just did to you” so clearly, I was afraid anyone could see it. That was also when I realized that Bill and I hadn’t exactly been shielded from anyone’s view.
Then Tom just raised his hand and waved at me, his grin reduced to a normal smile, before he turned back to the woman next to him. Nicole Scherzinger, I noticed and grinned to myself. The Kaulitz boys seemed to have a weakness for the seemingly impossible.

“What happened to you?” I heard Joe hiss, just as someone grabbed onto my upper arm. Joe, as it turned out, as I turned to look at him. I followed his gaze that wandered over my body and noticed the untucked shirt and my generally unkempt appearance. I wrenched my arm free from his grip and quickly made myself as presentable as possible.

“Nothing happened”, I growled and glared at him for good measure. At least my pants were so dark, you couldn’t really see the wet spot in the front in this lighting. And outside it was dark anyway. Could he smell alcohol on my breath?

“Oh? So that wasn’t you, making out with that German singer guy?” he asked, a small grin tugging at his lips despite his strict tone.

“Might have been”, I grinned back, immensely relieved that Joe didn’t spring the ‘omg that’s so GAY’ lecture on me immediately.

“We’re not done here, I want the full story, once we’re back at the hotel”, he declared. All I could do was nod, I was just so grateful he had decided to not discuss this here, where it could have very well caused a rather ugly scene.

“Good, now let’s go outside, Kevin’s already waiting for us”, he said, once again gripped my arm and led me outside.

“Joe?” I asked, once we had left the crowd behind and walked through the almost deserted corridors.


“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, baby-bro.”

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XTC - Then She Appeared

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